“I wish, that, I knewww what I knowww now - when I was younger!” Damnnn that's a catchy tune!
I think the reason it sticks is because we’ve all felt this way at some point or another. Maybe if I knew what I know now when I was younger, I would have pursued an undergraduate degree that made me directly employable. I would then proceed to greet any discussion of grad school with wild eyes and disturbingly intense laughter. Whoever brought up the subject would still be able to hear the sounds of my mania off in the distance as I sped away in the brand new two door Audi S5 that I purchased with all that sweeeeeet disposable income! Aghhhhhhhhhh. hgfvjbnkbjhvnk. Sorry, had to wipe a bit of drool off the keyboard!
This brings us to a subject that strikes a nerve with some grad students - we have friends that are now working professionals. Of course we are extremely grateful that they are a part of our lives and we are genuinely happy to see them achieve their goals. However, their successes can definitely stir up something like envy and make you doubt your decision to go to grad school. They’ve “moved on”. They have nice things. Nice cars, nice clothes, nice technology. They travel to nice places. Maybe some even own their own nice house which they live in with their impossibly attractive and successful spouse. They now live on the planet Blisstonia (known for its high levels of bliss). Clearly the grass IS greener and this whole grad school thing is just holding us back from being happy and pursuing our lives. When we finally graduate we’ll still be behind like a sprinter who heard the gun too late. “Delaying” my life did not antagonize me quite this much but you get the picture. I found it not unlike carrying around an extra 15 lbs strapped to your back. You’re not always thinking about it, but you always know it’s there.
Alright, onward and upward! For me, coming to terms with this added weight involved identifying and appreciating the many hidden benefits of “delaying” your life. Here’s one of my favourites:
You get to know what you know now, when you’re younger!
Wait, what? The physicist in me might prefer if this actually involved a time machine, but I’m afraid it doesn't (...yet?). So how does this actually work? Well, grad school often forces you to delay making some pretty big decisions. Where you want to live, how you want to live, what you want to be when you “grow up”, what kind of living arrangement you’re interested in (ownership vs. renting, rural vs. urban), relationships, how to invest your money, having kids, buying cars. The list can go on and on depending on the individual.
Now here’s the interesting part! While you may not actually be making any big decisions, your working peers definitely will be. Chances are they are going to discuss a lot of the intimate details with you and you get to sit back and watch how it all plays out. If their choices go well for them, then you know that they might be a good example to follow when you graduate. If they don`t go so well, you get the associated wisdom without making the mistake yourself. People want to go back in time and make different decisions with the wisdom they have gained through experience. A little delay lets you observe the experiences of your peers during a period where they are carving out their life in a very big way. So maybe I should rephrase slightly - you get to know what they know now, before you have to make your own choices.
But it isn't solely about being an experience parasite. You’ll also be accruing more of your own experiences and growing as a person as well! It’s very strange, but I think every year since I was 16 and learned how to drive I thought I was mostly grown up and had it all figured out. Clearly, at 16, I was totally wrong. I was certainly all grown up in undergrad. Nope! What about after my Master’s? Wrong again! I’m constantly surprised by how much my outlook, preferences and plans have changed each year. After 27 years, I’m finally willing to admit that I am not done growing and that I am not even remotely close to having it figured out.
However, would 23 or even 25 year old Tony have done a good job making big decisions? Maybe. I can certainly think of a couple important ones he would have totally botched which would still have some pretty unpleasant repercussions today. But now I don’t have to suffer or waste time with any of it because I wasn't tempted, required or forced to make important decisions when I had less experience. Can you think of any decisions a younger you would have totally messed up?
It’s pretty hard to properly appreciate the real value of learning how to avoid mistakes you didn't actually make - that’s why this benefit is hidden. So while the starter’s pistol may have already sounded and you feel like you’re behind, think again. After graduation, you’ll hit the ground running on the straighter road to achieving your goals!
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